"At least he's in church." The speaker was directly behind me. Her hearing was failing, so when she whispered it tended to be louder than she knew. She "whispered" this comment to the woman sitting beside her and the subject of her commentary was a lanky youth. The young man had come forward to offer the sign of peace to his parents and some other folk nearby. The young man always attended church, was active in the church youth groups, and participated in various community service programs and outreach ministries.
Oh, yes, and the young man wore tee-shirts sporting the logos of punk bands like "Bad Religion", wore ultra baggy pants, and his hair was dyed neon blue -- so bright that it nearly glowed.
"At least he's in church." Words meant to be accommodating, meant to acknowledge that here was a youth who was following a course of which this woman approved, and yet they were words of judgment. Words of prejudice. Words meant to imply that anyone who fell out of the cluster of dots on the graph labelled "Here There Be Normal Folk" must necessarily be bad, and thank GOD he's at church.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Mt 7:1-2
I resisted the urge to turn to her and say "Oh, yes, thank goodness he's at church because as we all know people who dye their hair brilliant blue are undoubtedly planning to head home and listen to rock and roll, smoke crack, sacrifice their pets to Satan and, God forbid, leave the toilet seat up. At least he's here gettin' his soul in shape for the big afternoon."
I resisted that urge because, for one, the young man in question was my son and my ability to be objective and kind was being put to the test. I resisted the urge, as well, because to give in to it would mark me as being just as obnoxiously judgmental as that woman was.
"But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words shalt thou be condemned." Mt 12:36-37
In the days of this woman's youth, people judged others on issues of conformity. A good and righteous person wore the correct outfit and had their hair shorn and styled to the correct length. People with dark skin were "different" but at least they had religion. How, though, does one avoid judging? The above quoted scripture doesn't actually restrict one from judging others. It speaks of judging and being judged by the same measure. Other quotes from the same book actually encourages judgment:
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." Mt 18:15-16
It comes down to ensuring that the words you speak in judgment be words that are inspired by God; for upon all you say you will be judged by God. If you can measure up, then speak up, and do so with God in your heart.
Perhaps I should have spoken to that woman, gently, to remind her that the boy's hair color is a trivial, earthly thing, that the boy is a child of God and should be judged according to his behaviors with respect to God, and not according to his outer appearance.
I related the incident to my son, he of the brilliant blue hair.
"Yeah, it's okay, Mom. I also get noticed by store guards. They follow me to make sure I don't steal stuff. Too bad, because the more normal looking kids who DO steal will be free to shoplift. But that's what happens when you choose to look different."<
He's a wise kid -- for someone with blue hair.
