People let me tell you 'bout my best friend,
He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end.
People let me tell you bout my best friend,
He's a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.
-- Harry Nilsson, theme song for "The Courtship of Eddie's Father"
When the first person comments on my blog, the comment counter text sez "My new best friend just commented!" And my daughter and I often tease and joke using the phrase "You're my new best friend!" when someone has something we are hoping they'll share, like chocolate.
So I got to wondering ... what goes into making a real best friend? Hmmmm?
You can piss each other off, and it's never forever.
I have no idea! I've never been good at the friend thing. That woman who invited me to bunko? She won't even answer my emails now cuz I blew her off for months last year when I got bored of bunko and missed her birthday party when I wasn't feeling well.
My kids seem to be good at friendships though, so that's cool. I think it helps not to be too freaking tired to do anything.
A true best friend wouldn't let her lizard chew on my cookbook promo.
That woman who invited me to bunko?...
I was just thinking about that the other day and wondered if you were still playing.
Best friends. I call certain people my best friends because they're the best I have. I haven't had an honest to goodness best friend with whom I actually did best friend types of things since I was in high school. But I'd have to say it was my Jr. High School best friend who was the truest best friend.
A best friend loves you like God does, in all your beauty and ugliness. Nothing you do can part you from them. Robin and I were like that. We were so much alike and fought like sisters, but we also had a perfect understanding of the other and stuck by each other in everything.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
That's what it's like to have a best friend. Only my husband can truly lay claim to that today, but I sure seem to do my best to try him.
Anyone who invites you to play bunko is NOT going to be a best friend.
So, Grace, you're saying best friend-ship is an agape love. Selfless, unconditional?
I've been thinking that for best friendship to set, there probably must be a nestling of similarities in values, humor, interests, and culture. Not an exactness, but if they are at complete odds, it won't work.
The values and humor should be sufficiently similar that you _can_ love your best friend in spite of his or her flaws. And he or she love you the same way.
Children seem to be very flexible and in the formative stage where their values can shift to match those of their best friends. But as we grow up, we become much more hardened, yes? And if we drift away through space and time from our childhood best friends, then our values will continue to shift and possibly shift away from those of our friends.
I was just thinking about this, because while I certainly like my friends from high school, I don't have that same 'best friend' connection I once had.
That's saddening.
I heard on NPR a brief snippet where two women who'd been best friends for *ever* were in a painting business together. They were clearly on the same wavelengths.
I kind of envy that.
The values and humor should be sufficiently similar that you _can_ love your best friend in spite of his or her flaws. And he or she love you the same way.
Yes. I agree with this. Agape love is difficult for us. This definitely helps to further along a friendship that can give us a glimpse of it.
As with many things, I think the old biker saying covers it here:
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the cell with you saying 'Dude, we fucked up.'"
The best friend is the one who you're calling for help when you one day find yourself chin-deep in a pile o' shit, even if you haven't seen or heard from them in months or years. And who will not only answer the phone, but will instantly come without question.
They're pretty rare, and I'm astoundingly lucky to have three (yeah, I know, "best" implies "one," but in the weird calculus of friendship, not necessarily...)
- AD -
I used to think of the guy who was my best man as also my best friend. But I wasn't his best man in turn, and the fact is we are fully capable of running out of things to say.
The woman I married and I were best friends once, or thought we were. But people and/or perceptions change. Is that sad? I suspect so, but I don't feel sad about it.
Come to think, I don't have a best friend. That would be someone who wants to do the same things as me and with whom I can do them, and mess up, and it's no problem. If such a person exists, then I am still looking for [insert pronoun of appropriate gender here].
I find it particularly pathetic, though, when people claim a mythological being as their best friend. What that really means is that they are able, through an imagined avatar, of enjoying their own company and forgiving themselves. That's cool, I just get annoyed when they forget that's what they are really doing.
For obvious reasons this is the sort of thing I can't post on my own blog, so here, take it.
Your best friend is the last one to fuck you over or fuck you off. Simple as that. Grace's requirements are too fucking demanding for human beings!
Hip Liz-
I think you got, brother. Other humans are programmed to let you down, usually when you least expect it, or fade while your in midsentence and later can't be found, off smelling flowers or sumpin'
You are your own best friend. After yourself, there's me. I'm not human therefore I won't leave you in the lurch or fade on you. Firstly, and self-referentially, naturally, I'm God. Secondly, I'm a dog.
It works this way: my dogness compells me to bond with humans in a way beyond the capability of any fey human.
And God: Jesus said: " does the scripture not say ye are gods?" This was is answer to his insinuations of divinity. Needlesstosay, ain't been many sermons preached on *that* scripture over the centuries. No serreee, Bob. It doesn't conform with their small-minded theological boxes.
Seeyou, friend
Robbie :-)
" I will give my best today
I will give myself away."
REM, "Up"
Good heavens I almost overlooked Zen. Something about fucking over and being fucked over. Well, this explains why he hasn't picked up the phone. And Zen, your maudlin self-pitying piece 'bout how you were dumped by your wife rings hollow, *friend*. Give yourself another year--it takes 3 years and don't let anyone tell you differently. Possibly 5 or more where children are involved.
So there.
I'm sounding like DR Phil. That dog don't hunt. What *were* you *thinking*?? I'm six' five [TM] you wanna try that with me?
Have a laugh, bud, and a cry.
I shutup now.
Gratuitous advice:off
Robbie
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Soo, you and daughter were laffing at me and "my new best friend" --delicious shadefreuder, eh?
Smack.
Naughty chair.
Dunce hat.
No playgroud privelleges for an hour.
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Rob
sleep beckons.
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