Hate him, don't date him

PJ, who no longer blogs, posted this on Usenet and I'm using excerpts from it to introduce my topic:

I just learned about a Web site called "Don't Date Him Girl" that women can join and post warnings to other women about men they perceive to be slime. They post names, pictures, email addresses, cities/states, and lengthy descriptions of why these men should be avoided [...] What's really dangerous about this is that the women remain completely anonymous, but they can (and do) provide a ton of information about the men.

From the DDHG website:

Don't Date Him Girl, until you've checked him out first! DDHG is a social networking site where women from around the world can share their dating experiences with each other. Share your story of inspiration, hope and determination with other women around the world. Learn about how you can date safer and smarter, build your self-esteem, find true love and empower yourself to become the powerful woman you really are!

The perception is that women are vulnerable and men are scoundrels. Everyone knows that, right?

The truth of life is that humans are vulnerable and humans are scoundrels, each in their own ways and turns. Men typically take the upper hand in things and women are usually taught to be victims, but both find ways to hurt one another. Men cheat. Women cheat. Men abuse. Women abuse. Relationships suck when they don't work well. People don't talk to one another, and when the relationship goes sour, each is likely to want to lash out at the other, find a way to hurt the other. This sort of site promotes the one-sided view of female victimhood and is, therefore, less helpful than it could be.

Said Peej:

So basically, these guys are guilty because the women SAY they're guilty. Period. Where's the justice in that? Isn't this an open and shut case of libel? Sometimes I hate the Internet.

I was curious about it. I don't intend to use it, but I did register to become a member (user name "lizarddreams") just to see what's permitted, what's not. Their terms of service spell out how they protect themselves from lawsuits. They log the member's IP address and let the member know they're tracking it.

Knowing what I do about websites like this, they quickly roll over for court orders -- as they should. If a man finds his name and particulars up there, and the information is damaging enough, he can get the site to pull it and he can pursue the poster via the court system.

The site also provides a "He said/She said" forum where the man can rebut the woman's statements and offer information about her, then lets people vote on believability. Guys can register, too, and offer comments, posts about the men they know who may have hurt people.

I looked at a few more of the posts warning about these slime-dog evil-doing men. The posts are gossipy and filled with conjecture. One says "rumour has it that this guy has slept with 40 girls and he's not even 20 yet!" Another talks about a man who has children by different mothers, leverages the children to get the women to continue sleeping with him, etc. It pleads with readers who know him to comment to confirm (or, presumably, refute) that he's a bucket o sputem. <-- my term.

I tend to agree with PJ's sentiment: this is a kangaroo court of a website. They do offer all kinds of advice and support forums for women who have been hurt, and recommend books and such. It might be a useful resource in that community fashion, but the notion of ratting out guys who're dirtier than dirt without requiring the poster to offer proof of his slimedness is, well ... nasty.