During lunch the other day, a buddy of mine had been thinking out loud, muttering "waived the activation fee ..." as he went through his cellphone contract. Yeah, when he bought the phone and the plan, the perky sales chick, hoping to cement the sale, gave him all kinds of enticements, free phone, first month free, waive the activation, yadda.
That got me to thinking.
What does an "activation fee" really do?
Cell phone providers want you to sign up with them, take a two year contract, etc. They want your business. Part of them doing that business has to involve them entering your phone's identifying information into their database to "activate" the phone on their network. If they didn't do that, your phone would not work, and you would be unlikely to want to use their services. So it's in their interests as well as your own for them to activate your phone. When you lose your phone, buy a new one, they "activate" that new one, free of charge.
Yet, they charge an "activation fee" for a new contract. UCAN (Utility Consumers' Action Network) lists the fees the big providers charge you. Thirty to forty bucks to have someone who's being paid regardless of the amount work they do type a number into a database field?
I decided to try something. What the hell, I was bored. I pretended I was in the market for a new phone, new plan. I walked up to a cell phone provider's kiosk in the mall where I had been lunching.
"I want a phone and a plan. Whaddaya got?"
We picked out one of their free phones and one of their plans and then she went through the contract.
"What's this thing?" I pointed to the activation fee.
"That's the standard activation fee."
"Get it out of there. I don't want to pay it."
"Oh, I can't do that. It's a standard part of the contract."
"Nonsense. When you guys are hooking for my business, the very first thing to go is that activation fee. It's frosting on your cupcake. Pure over-the-top profit."
"I don't have the authorization ..."
"Oh. Okay. Well, goodbye then."
"Wait, um let me talk to my supervisor. Hold on while I call ... "
"Puh-lease. Even my dog has the authorITY," I paused after stressing the syllable, "to waive activation fees. Every business pretends they have to charge that little extra, then they graciously 'give' us back the money to entice us. Entice me, or I'm outta here."
She stammered a bit more. I walked away.
It was satisfying.
Gawd, you're my heroine. You're like a goddess of consumer watchdogism!
And it ain't just the cellular industry. Have you signed up for satellite or cable TV lately?
I had a cab ride to the airport the other day and the activation fee was $10.
I'm just sayin'.